just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
