I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
