You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
