we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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