im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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