It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
