some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
