she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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