Define "chronic" masturbator.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
