She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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