At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He felt like a one man threesome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
