and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
