made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want nice things and good sex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
