how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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