I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
