were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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