Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
