There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
