It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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