you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
