Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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