I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
