apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
