I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
