I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
