Apparently you make a good broom.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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