No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
