the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
