I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
