I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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