i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
