bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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