is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
