is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
