u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
