My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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