I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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