Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
