if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you made out with another girl for some wings
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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