Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
ok first of all what the fuck
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
