Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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