just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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