lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
