how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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