Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He better not be in your backpack
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
