we're blogging at a bar
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
