He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
