I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there was a trapeze. enough said
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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