I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
