How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
