I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
