just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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